A Course in Miracles Journal (Day 22)
Background: Welcome to my year-long exploration of "A Course in Miracles," where each day unfolds a new layer of understanding and healing using this unique and vibrant text. This blog chronicles my personal exploration through daily text readings and workbook exercises, offering insights into the profound teachings of forgiveness, love, and perception shifts. The day’s text reading and exercise numbers are in the title of the entry. Join me as we uncover the miracles behind healing and transformation into the spiritually powerful beings we were created to be.
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Today’s ACIM Journal Entry:
Been a week or so for three reasons:
I was hosting an out-of-town guest all week and spent much time with that person. When we notice things in others, it's a loving observation to not judge, but to see it as a mirror. This guest was both uniquely challenging but also made huge strides via my feedback and insights, which meant I did too, as we re-reviewed our life lessons.
Our time together included sharing our experiences with plant medicine as we watched the Netflix documentary "How to Change Your Mind," a book that did change my life and is one I recommend when I feel called to. It was illuminating to know someone with 10x the amount of experience with the substances, yet had never used those moments for turning inward or self-healing. It was a commentary on how plant medicine is largely effective at healing but requires either a trained professional or an experienced user who knows how to use the medicine to achieve those outcomes.
The second reason I had a large gap was that I was hosting a New Year's Eve party and had much to do and prep. The event was a huge success, and it made me so grateful to see how many incredible people I have in my life after only 1.5 years here.
Lastly, I spent a good amount of time revisiting my life goals and how I was ready to make them a reality this year. The end of 2024 was a true death cycle as I worked effortlessly internally, spiritually, and in my home to clean out the junk and enable myself to move forward with new eyes. I already see the uplift from it. I am grateful I followed my soul and energy and gave myself the space to do that instead of forcing actions, work, or revenue. The patience is already paying off, and I feel soulfully refreshed.
Workbook Lesson 22: What I See is a Form Of Vengeance
Ouch! After such a loving mindset and renewal, coming back to words like vengeance seems powerful and unnecessarily harsh.
Let’s see what the explanation states:
Initially, I exhaled as I saw this was about those who hold attack thoughts, as I was not in that mindset at the onset. But after reading, I felt it only fair to honor where I do get defensive, and that can be with men in romantic circumstances.
It is not often. It is the exception, but that context may be the one where it is most present for me. I decided to continue reading with that context in mind, and I began to feel parts of my upper solar plexus/lower heart chakra shift.
I find it amusing that I no longer get defensive at work, not even in tense legal negotiations. I do not take any of that personally and accept it as it is, as I can only be me. I prefer to have inner harmony in those scenarios.
But boys and dating, somehow, still ring as a vengeance trigger point and a clear opportunity for healing.
I love the book’s line about how it isn’t great to know that it’s not even real! Lol
As I stated the longer verses about the world I see, I noticed that I look at myself in the mirror a few times each day - these thoughts and concepts would apply to that, too.
I will perish. My visual, my body, this life - it will all perish. Perhaps for the first time, I felt what that meant. I had long understood my mortality, accepted it, and even come to terms with death, but this was on a new layer.
It felt sad.
I continued the lesson and felt overwhelmed.
The shallow feeling I first noticed a week or so ago after releasing my solar plexus more was activated by this lesson. I do not know what the sensation was created by, but I sense it may have something to do with control and/or a shield of some sort.
As I sit and settle into the words and sensations, I’m beginning to notice a freedom or peace in recognizing everything I see is perishable.
Like I don’t have to defend it, protect it, or guard against it. It also won't last - no matter how horrible either may seem. There were a few attacks this new year, and I drove right by one - the one at Trump Tower in Las Vegas. I was at that intersection a couple of hours after the explosion running an errand - a regular one.
It’s nice to know those things are perishable, too.
My home will fade. My business will fade. My family will fade. The boy I had a crush on will fade. My friendships will fade. I will fade. My life work will fade. The city will fade, and so too will the skyline. The governments, the pain, and the anger - it will all perish.
The Avicii song "Fade into Darkness" keeps replaying in my head now…
As mentally and emotionally disturbing as the statements are, my body is relaxing. My soul is sensing greater harmony. What an odd sensation.
Text: VI. Judgement and the Authority Problem
Paragraphs 1-2, my crown chakra opened; 2-3, my throat chakra was activated.
Paragraph 3, verse 5: “You do not need the judgment of organizing your life, and you certainly do not need to organize yourself.”
This takes on a few items on my radar as of late. The barriers and judgement to decipher what is and is not a goal for the new year. Judging what is and is not good or bad, needed or superfluous, in the quest to complete one’s goals.
The goals themselves are irrelevant.
Then the second half about not needing to organize oneself. I had been feeling in 2024 that I needed to heal, clean myself up, get to enlightenment, as if one day hitting enlightenment would make me have abundance.
It won't. Plenty of people reach enlightenment and sell everything and become humble servants. Others act as if nothing major has happened in their life.
It’s not a goal to be achieved so the trophy can be placed on my mantle and my life suddenly of value.
I accomplished many great things before I knew what healing was. I had allowed healing to be a crutch, a reason to judge myself. I noticed this this past week, too.
Just this morning a thought arose in me that the reason I felt anxious and misaligned was because I needed to heal more; I was still “broken.” I quickly and even louder shouted back - No! I am not broken. I am exactly where I need to be as I am meant to be here.
I do not need to be perfect, feel perfect, or have perfect alignment (inward or outward) to make beautiful things happen. That was/is nonsense, and I no longer subscribe to it.
Then I went about my day, kicking ass just as I was.
If this is what I am called to take action on, then I know I have everything I need to accomplish it. I trust the right words will be there when I need them.
I am not in control. Rather, I am called.
Paragraph 5, verse 6: “The strain of constant judgment is virtually intolerable.”
This exact lesson came up with a friend last night. Of course, my ability to perceive it in him meant there were traces in me based on how I discovered the painful self-mutilating use of the mind.
Judgement. Harsh judgement.
Also, lies… but a reality manifesting and living its own truth.
As I settle more in the meditation space and feel into myself, I have come to realize how much kinder I am to myself than I was weeks ago. I do not pressure or push - just observe and accept.
Then, I give myself kind, loving words.
I've done that most of today. It’s all been natural, even in the face of the habits that triggered the opposite. It's all just been where I am, in my space.
And it’s a miracle in itself. A beautiful series of them. I am filled with gratitude.
Paragraph 7: “The authority problem is the root of all evil.”
And it goes on to speak of a dichotomy, a duality. I recall some of my first healing moments were in recognition of two opposing ideas within me to the same question.
Do I want to go to the beach? A part of me would call out, "Yes!" while another part would justify and explain why not.
I was left with indecision, conflict, and immobilization.
When I learned to speak to each of these voices and hear them in loving observation, I could see one was out of alignment, or love, and the other would be out of fear, doubt, or unworthiness.
A bad habit created from anger and other layers of indecision.
Each time I reconciled the two halves, I found inner peace and harmony I could take with me over the years.
Paragraph 10, verse 2: “Everyone is free to refuse to accept his inheritance, but he is not free to establish what his inheritance is.”
This immediately triggered the mindset I had behind writing the words, “I do not have to accept the state of the experiences I inherit.”
“I did not choose to inherit that man’s pain that day, but I do choose what I do with that pain. I will not perpetuate it into others. I won’t even perpetuate it within myself.”
The shooting experience and day healing process after - the fastest and most complete healing I may have ever had was based on that truth.
It all starts with the mindset of “I can choose to see this differently; I can choose to see love instead.”
Those words at the start of my emotional tidal wave in the midst of my PTSD shifted everything. They shifted my reality. Not just my perception of it.
I’m not in a place to write out the experience and try to find the subtleties of my healing shifts, but they were fast and profound. Drastic, even.
Today’s text reminds my mind of that day, that sensation, and connects it to my greater being and life.
I do not accept what I inherit, but I can (and have been) reject receiving it in full.
“I know what I am, and I accept my inheritance” will be my mantra as I head to bed now…
Good night, all.
With Love, Acacia
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“All quotes are from A Course in Miracles, copyright ©1992, 1999, 2007 by the Foundation for Inner Peace, 448 Ignacio Blvd., #306, Novato, CA 94949, www.acim.org, used with permission.”