A Course in Miracles (Day 17)
Background: Welcome to my year-long exploration of "A Course in Miracles," where each day unfolds a new layer of understanding and healing using this unique and vibrant text. This blog chronicles my personal exploration through daily text readings and workbook exercises, offering insights into the profound teachings of forgiveness, love, and perception shifts. The day’s text reading and exercise numbers are in the title of the entry. Join me as we uncover the miracles behind healing and transformation into the spiritually powerful beings we were created to be.
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Today’s ACIM Journal Entry:
A Course in Miracles (Day 17)
I write this days after having experienced Day 17. I, thankfully, made three notes in my notebook to help me recall my notes on the text. The workbook lesson was of no consequence as my mind had naturally applied the concept of “I see no neutral things” after lesson 16.
Text:
Chapter 3, Section 1. Atonement without sacrifice
I had a massive revelation during the reading of today’s text. It marked items of my childhood on the initial read, but then when I went back for a reread my sacral chakra released a realization I never had noticed before:
My first burnout was because of my father.
I was grade school or junior high and I was giving it my all in the Summer su of Arizona doing yard work demanded by my parents. My parents, I’m pretty sure they were inside in the air conditioned home watching television or working on some work project.
Somewhere in that long weekend of yard work my insides gave up. My mind didn’t see it for decades, but my inner spirit that day realized that nothing I ever did was going to earn me my father’s love.
Was he suddenly going to love me because I could do the manual labor of three grown men as I pulled hundred pound roots from the earth, or perhaps it was this 6th bag of weeds Im bagging, this is surely the tipping point?
It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t give that weekend- he wasn’t going to love me. I wasn’t going to be enough for him.
That painful reality stayed within me until today’s text as it nuzzled its way into that darkened space on my center gut.
Each word, and turn of phrase slowing killing me and the darkened tensions of 4 decades.
As it released, I had a conversation with that inner child. She never drank water (something that plagues me to this day) and it was because she’d give her all and never take care of herself. She shut down a part of herself for others hoping, striving to earn their love, appreciation and finally feel valued.
Water- item #1.
She also was tired of trying. I’ve reached this conclusion in my life before particularly in my legal career, so I am surprised to find latent layers of it. But they were there!
Since talking with her, and giving her something fun ( a swirly straw and fizzy soda) she’s enabled me to feel more drive and energy in crossing things off my to do list lately.
She also led me to my next affirmation: “I expect to be compensated”
As my mother and her friends were in town in Vegas this week, I tried to get an energetic read on them as some of them won at the slots and others lost. Why is it some win and some do not?
The message that stood out, was that the ones who were winning were approaching the slot machines with a poise an energy of expecting to be compensated.
As Ive gone through my week, talked with clients and so on, I realize how much I yield in energy mentality vs who I stand firm and comfortable as when I take on the ‘ I expect to be compensated” mentality.
It is not wrong for me to “want to be compensated” for doing legal work, or holding conversations that use my legal license and decades+ worth of experience.
It’s time I energetically hold to my value.
The line that started it all was the one about how a parent would tell their child that it hurts them more than it hurts he child as justification for punishing the child. Or put another way, the child was receiving the pain, and failures of someone else in their punishment.
I was punched for things that had nothing to do with me growing up. I was deprived because it- starved for love.
Every time my innocence opened me back up, wanting to receiving love I’d give my all. All of me. Everything I had only to once again be disappointed.
To once again be told shown, or treated that I wasn’t enough.
As much and as often as this theme has come up in my healing, it does amazing me the depths it goes. The hidden cracks its found its way into. I, once again, look forward to snuffing them out and shining light into the newfound spaces.
My 3 Notes I made from last week:
Badass (referring to Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass Group coaching program, which I had done twice last year and was now self guiding myself through coincidentally starting that same week). The line OMG. I must have had some massive shift as I connected a mental note in the text to my goal in the badass program. We also went over the Big Snooze (BS) where you find your underlying excuses and shift them.
The line thoughts vs. emotional sparks. Another item I do not recall its significance, but does remind me that I am shifting energetically about romance and relationships too. Decided 1. I no longer desire to hold onto the man I desired for so long and instead give up the dream of being with him for attracting what I truly desire, whether that be him or not. 2. With the various persons in (and out of) my life at the moment, I can tell the universe is placing me on a very strategically planned course of learning - though, I admit I am nervous about the lessons it is trying to teach me. 3. I decided to take action towards a man I (think I) desire rather than sit idly by and be passive. All always within my abilities, but never taken and realized as absolutely necessary for my intended life. I find myself taking on greater fortitude for my true desires, over wishful thinking, desire, or status quo. The frequency in a matter of days is powerful enough to notice and keep watch of.
The massive blowout I’m having in my sacral chakra. This goes to the story above about my first blowout. As the sacral released, it was like a wormhole growing and growing within my upper abs. It kept expanding, yet remaining pitch black. I’m unsure if I’ve ever felt a chakra release where it didn’t move within my body, head upward or lead to a light glow. This one is healing differently.
With Love, Acacia
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“All quotes are from A Course in Miracles, copyright ©1992, 1999, 2007 by the Foundation for Inner Peace, 448 Ignacio Blvd., #306, Novato, CA 94949, www.acim.org, used with permission.”