A Course in Miracles Journal (Day 15)

Background: Welcome to my year-long exploration of "A Course in Miracles," where each day unfolds a new layer of understanding and healing using this unique and vibrant text. This blog chronicles my personal exploration through daily text readings and workbook exercises, offering insights into the profound teachings of forgiveness, love, and perception shifts. The day’s text reading and exercise numbers are in the title of the entry. Join me as we uncover the miracles behind healing and transformation into the spiritually powerful beings we were created to be. 

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 Today’s ACIM Journal Entry:

First, Personal Journal and Reflections:

It’s been 4 days since my last ACIM connection point as I had friends in town and we stayed together down on the Las Vegas strip.

Reconnecting with long time (over a decade +) friends is a great way to share our life stories, check in with where we’ve come from, and witness how much we’ve changed over the years - collectively and individually.

I had a friend open up and share a personal and deep traumatic story she experienced shortly before we met that I had been unaware of the entire time - yet it all made sense looking back and we cried together.

We had other friends repeating past mistakes and acknowledging her new found awareness to them - always an amazing step in healing and personal growth! I have great faith she is going to make a drastic change for inner alignment in the coming months and I am so thrilled to be her cheerleader no matter what she decides.

Me? I found myself returning to two ruts and I am so grateful to have been witness to them!

First, being around slot machines triggers low self esteem. I was acutely aware of this before and in a few layers, but the power of it came out quickly and the layers became more articulate.

Related to it, I examined how I envision myself in my ideal energies, my perfect graceful outfit and me smiling and glowing as full me would never even sit at a slot machine. Playing slots is not in alignment to my true self, it's not how I would play at a casino (I’m intentionally avoiding the word gamble), if at all.

That’s why I don’t win at them! My mom is often quite lucky at slot machines, and one of the friends in town is crazy good - she won over $10k in slots this weekend alone! So when I’m around people who break even or win all the time, and I’m always down in 20 minutes, it’s because of my energy, my subconscious thoughts about the situation.

I’m playing like someone with low self esteem would!

Which brings me to my second notice of the weekend: My Tiffany’s bracelet.

Intuition brought me into the Tiffany’s at the Bellagio last year unexpectedly. I've never been into Tiffany’s style. It's not my style…

…till that day. I discovered the Hardware collection.

Over the next year I was in and out of that store, checking in on the various styles, gold options and the diamond configurations one could get.

But I never got it.

For one, the one I really wanted was about half my annual salary at the time. Nowhere near being the right life decision at the time. But it also just didn’t feel right.

The one I wanted, the combo of rose gold and diamond links, was a tad too chunky. I wanted a more tennis bracelet style. But that one only came with a single diamond option and I didn’t like that. I also felt shame that I didn’t have the wealth for it. That I’d need to get insurance and have a safe in my house and all the things lowly me wouldn’t know where to start with. For some reason, it also triggered a disappointment that I didn’t have a man who loved me enough to buy it for me anyways.

As heartbreaking as I felt as I explored the ideas over that year, it did help me appreciate the ridiculousness of the thoughts themselves that were appearing from my subconscious.

Why do I “need” a man who can buy me this bracelet or I won't feel loved? Buying things isn’t all that love is (gifts is a love language), but the price tag has nothing to do with the quality or depth of the love itself.

And why am I hoping a man will save me from myself in this store?

It all came down to worthiness. Worthy of having the money and the opportunities to have what I feel called to have.

I never got the hardware collection bracelet, but I did fall in love with a simpler Tiffany’s bracelet. Just a bit more than one month’s mortgage payment.

But now here I was without that fancy salary I had when I walked in last year, afraid to spend money I’m not making for something that I could have had last year.

Now we get back to my friends being in town.

I just wrote this article on me facing my fear about designer shopping last year. From Trashcan to Triumph.

I was both proud and jealous at the same time of one of my friends. See, we had a not-so-happy moment as a group and needed to shake it off. As we did, we found ourselves in those designer stores in Bellagio - the same ones I love to “shop” at.

So I took the girls in for some lovely display cases at Tiffany’s to show them the bracelet I was in love with. Then a diamond necklace caught the eye of one of the girls and the shopping experience was on!

By the end of the day, that friend returned to Tiffany’s and purchased that diamond necklace for a price 150% the price of the bracelet I wanted.

I was thrilled! We were shopping at Tiffany's and BUYING something!

I hadn’t done that before.

And I get to encourage a friend who 1, won enough money to cover the necklace the night before at the tables, and 2. Clearly adored this necklace. So many wins!

But since, it's triggered a moment I had back in 2022 when another friend randomly shows up in the Chilean city I was visiting and decides on two days notice to do the road trip through Patagonia that had been on my wish list for 7 years.

This was a nothing trip for her, just a casual “why not” idea that sounded fun since she was in town.

Where I had been in that town for two weeks and denied myself the chance to go because of work - or at least that's what I told myself was my justification. There was little to no chance of wifi or signal across most of the route.

While there were practicalities to having work, it was not an impossibility. I know because I was in the car with her when she did the trip that following week.

After she told me her road trip idea, I went to take a shower and got pissed off - like really heated…

… at myself!

I was jealous of her deciding to do something. It was that simple, she decided and I hadn’t!

So I made up my mind - I decided I was going to go with her!

In under 24 hours notice I got work figured out and set. I did what I couldn’t do for 7 years in the blink of an eye.

And that’s how I feel about the Tiffany’s jewelry.

A friend randomly came in, made a decision and I’m upset at myself because I’m not making the same decision even though I wanted it longer.

Why? Because it’d be silly to buy a $4k bracelet when I’m paying your $3k mortgage out of savings. I’m still building my company and my revenue.

When it comes to action and placing other things in my life into order, I can do it quickly like world travel or random road trips through central Chile.

But money lately has been weird for me.

I've manifested huge chunks of money and salary into my life before - and I think it scared me. Was a shock to my system.

It scared me because I didn’t feel worthy perhaps? (Noting a theme?)

Now here I am on the other side.

Now, not completely, I am making my life decisions with intent and purpose, just at the cost of the money. I’m even in a money coaching program! Ugh!

This is my way of saying I have ideas and mental blocks triggering emotional ones in this category - money and fine jewelry.

Damn, I want that bracelet!

Workbook Lesson 15: My thoughts are images I have made.

This one was fun for me. First, my brain was totally able to follow the energetic connection immediately. I do wonder how visuals are similar and different person to person as we “see” the same things (i.e. a glass table or the color yellow.)

Of course, preference, emotional, and mental values vary the meaning and interpretation of the visual entirely. That seems obvious after the first week’s lessons about us seeing what we have assigned and our past in objects.

The second part I loved about today’s exercise was the commencing on seeing lights around things - I’ve seen that before!

I started to notice it when I was taking art classes. I felt I was the only one who could see it. But there's a fuzziness around every object and often that fuzziness is white.

I grew up with better than 20/20 vision, so this is not a commentary on visual challenges.

I recall once being at an astronomy event and the guy hanging the telescope was dumbfounded when I was able to visually identify a cluster of stars apart and their glow levels.

He couldn’t believe it if I hadn’t been able to describe them so well. He said that was only possible with a telescope.

Nope!

Since I began writing this Workbook entry, I have had a series of light episodes. Each has been different, and none are about the light around the edge of things.

I’m wondering if they are real or figments from my mind (like the same thing).

I digress and move on.

Text.

Chapter 2, VII Cause and Effect.

“Any attempt to resolve the errors through attempting to master fear is useless… it asserts the power of fear by the very assumption that it needs to be mastered.” 4.2-3.

In these initial sections, 1-4, I've noticed that I read the book sometimes apart from me. I’ll read a sentence and say to myself, “oh yeah, that’d be good in a talk or a program because that’s what others do.”

Others… not me.

Anything apart is false and if I sense or see it in others, it is an actual reflection of my own inner energies.

It feels great to be back at this book and style of healing as I made drastic progress sometimes and I feel that in today’s lesson. At the same time, the compiles and can have physical exhaustion from it.

Like returning to the gym after not working out over vacation. I’m going to feel this in the morning - I can tell.

“Fear is really nothing and love is everything” - love!!

Section 6 is quite interesting, saying that Sonship and the Son are singular and all beings are part of the Sonship. We must all be collectively united in order to be one, but we are one, just with miscreations and fear in between.

Wow, nearly all of my chakras were engaged during that reading. During 1-4 it was mostly in my head and throat. It got strong and shifted, but then traveled down my back to the rear of the heart chakra, where it stayed only momentarily before working its way quickly through the solar plexus and into the front of my sacral chakra. Just as it was about to head to my root chakra, my crown chakra opened up.

I now, also, have the recollection that earlier today I did a day in the life exercise where I wrote out my ideal fantasy day. Per the instructions, after letting the thoughts sit, a new thought rose from the back of my mind… I will be off plant medicine.

Plant medicine - from San Pedro, Ayahuasca, Bufu and Rapé/Hape have been key in my healing journey. My time with them is on the minority compared to my other work in healing.

But this manifesting dream frequency asked me to realize that I was no longer on plant medicine. I was no longer on plant medicine because my connection to it was now about “no good enough.”

I had mentally shifted the idea of coming to it in prayer and help to now going to it because I felt I wasn’t good enough to be effective at healing (miracles) without it - which I know to be false as I have had most, if not all, of my most profound healing experiences through sober, pure miracles alone.

My manifesto is shifting this week. I feel it. It’s also in my human-design Sphinx cards. Gotta love synchronicities!

Love, Acacia

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“All quotes are from A Course in Miracles, copyright ©1992, 1999, 2007 by the Foundation for Inner Peace, 448 Ignacio Blvd., #306, Novato, CA 94949, www.acim.org, used with permission.”