A Course in Miracles Journal (Day 13)

Background: Welcome to my year-long exploration of "A Course in Miracles," where each day unfolds a new layer of understanding and healing using this unique and vibrant text. This blog chronicles my personal exploration through daily text readings and workbook exercises, offering insights into the profound teachings of forgiveness, love, and perception shifts. The day’s text reading and exercise numbers are in the title of the entry. Join me as we uncover the miracles behind healing and transformation into the spiritually powerful beings we were created to be. 

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Today’s ACIM Journal Entry:

A Course in Miracles (Day 13) 12.4.2024

Workbook.

I jumped in during a midday transformation challenge. I had started by making out what business structure was important to me so I could both create it, making it a truly fulfilled reality, but also sense where and why I was having resistance.

I’d been living this dream within me for so long. So planned, so deductively available on paper and years, if not decades, of inspiration that always hit a wall.

Sometimes that was the process - overwhelming, never ended and therefore it’d never get done. Other times the failure was in the completion of a step. I’d get burned out midway. If I couldn’t complete that series of tasks within the day, my desire to finish it would be worn out, distressed and taken over by either new inspiration or by dread of the burnout layers of to do needed to get to the completion stage.

And like that, each step forward stopped. Every elevation flattened, and I find myself in a doldrums of lost ideas, faded dreams, and an inability to physically drive my will anymore.

I knew parts of it were manufactured inspiration. A creation from my past and the only way I knew how to succeed back then. I carry the trauma from that drive still. A decade later and months apart from the mountains, I walked through for it.

But the dream, the vision was never differed. It's only grown stronger in my mind’s eye and in my heart. But then why do the actions not fulfill themselves? Where’s the creative output on the physical plane to represent the years of creative thought and visions?

Why does it lie in shambles on the cutting room floor?

Until today, Workbook Lesson, lesson 13: “A meaningless word engenders fear.”

“Yes, I know!” I shouted from within. “I know it does because it’s pissed me off all week! Especially in yesterday’s lesson 12.”

I’m angry. I’m upset - but at what? Why? What is this my irruption point?

Yesterday, during my exercise I reached for the little mirror I use to pick at my facial acne and the voice within illuminated that it was because I like to win. As I explored the idea more, it became clear to me there is a power struggle amongst it.

Yet as many answers as I had, I had more unknown and that caused more frustration.

Till today’s Lesson.

Today’s lesson answered both the anger created by Lesson 12 and the power struggle about my acne to feel like a winner.

“A meaningless world engenders fear because I think I am in competition with God.”

Holy F&ck! That’s it! That is the source of fear, control, not good enoughs. It’s not the process and the business knowledge I have acquired, nor is it the scars from my past dreams forced into reality.

It’s because I feel I am fighting with outcome, I feel I am fighting with possibility, and feel I have to force it to reality.

It’s a shift on the idea of control. It’s not just outward control, but inner.

It's a message to stop resisting what I was created to do and just do it. Be it. Live it!

I had let go of the drive to compete with others knowing I am who I am the way I was perfectly created. And I knew there was a fight within myself. And now I see that the fight within myself is not a duality, but the human condition: my mind (ego included) and my soul/spiritual being.

The book notes after the exercise that this final statement may create resistance, or fear, but not for me.

The statement was fact. A reassuring one at that.

I found peace in its truth.

I admit, I do not have resolve in my inner battle, but understanding its core leads me away from the secondary emotions of anger and into an opportunity to heal. To connect with miracles.

I also accepted the feeling that I will take this weekend off from A Course in Miracles. I have friends in town and was uncertain I’d be able to commit to staying on track - not that I need to. I have already made my own variations of my daily practice and journaling.

But that after tomorrow’s Day 14, it is time to let the space settle. Allow the miracles to work and find their presence without further provocation.

As for the practical next steps in my daily action plan, my inner voice said to stop planning and just create from the pile of notebooks I gathered in the corner of my living room.

No plan. No intent. Just spiritual reactivity flowing from the items over there - calling me. Where the ideas have been hidden and stored for years. Amalgamation of my spiritual self on paper that only I can witness.

Maybe I had done it already and all along. I just never shared it?

Text.

With Love, Acacia

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“All quotes are from A Course in Miracles, copyright ©1992, 1999, 2007 by the Foundation for Inner Peace, 448 Ignacio Blvd., #306, Novato, CA 94949, www.acim.org, used with permission.”